Imhotep – The Desert Between Heartbeats
Example product title
Regular price
$19.99 USD
Regular price
Sale price
$19.99 USD
Cutie Monsters
Cursed, cuddly, and ready to ship.
Species: Reanimated mummy (undead priest/scholar)
Status: Newly awakened, ancient heart, very done with colonial museums
Born (human): May 2, 2675 BCE – Memphis, Egypt
Buried alive: 2645 BCE
Awakened in London: 2025 CE
Chronological age: ~4,700 years
Physical appearance: Early 20s, because the gods are dramatic like that
Astrology
(Yes, we’re just unapologetically mapping modern Western astrology onto ancient Egypt.)
Sun: Taurus – grounded, sensual, stubborn, devoted to his duties and his chosen people.
Probable Moon: Scorpio – intense, vengeful when wronged, loves with terrifying depth.
Probable Rising: Libra – elegant, diplomatic, eerily composed even when furious.
Blood
Human blood type (before): AIn Japanese blood-type lore, Type A people are responsible, detail-oriented, and serious. Most Type A folks end up as managers, not mummified high priests cursed for millennia, but here we are.
Undead blood type (after): Type N- (Nilotic Necrotic)
His “blood” now carries a mixture of embalming resins, ancient magic, and just enough life-force to keep his body animated. It doesn’t behave like normal human blood—more like a magically conductive river flowing beneath his skin.
Personality Snapshot
Regal as hell. Moves like he still expects courtiers to bow.
Deeply romantic and deeply dangerous when someone he loves is threatened.
Struggles with waking up in a world that looted his past and put it under glass.
Quietly fascinated by modern music, language, and the idea of second chances.
Turn-ons: Respect, ritual, people who listen more than they speak, slow touches, genuine devotion.
Turn-offs: Grave robbers (literal or metaphorical), cultural appropriation, anyone who jokes about unwrapping him on the first date.
Ideal first date: Midnight visit to a museum wing that suddenly feels too alive, whispered stories in the dark, and a promise you’ll walk back out together.